


Hello My Old Heart

by bextons



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV), To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, F/M, M/M, bi!Ben Gross, bi!John Ambrose McClaren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bextons/pseuds/bextons
Summary: This is a crossover fic with Ben Gross (Never Have I Ever) meeting John Ambrose McClaren (To All The Boys I've Loved Before Movies) and having a fling while at a Model UN conference at UC Berkeley. (I don't know a whole lot about Model UN, so I'm sorry if anything is inaccurate).  In my mind Ben Gross is bisexual, and you can't convince me otherwise. John Ambrose, too.This also has some Ben/Devi relationship mentions in here as well. It takes place after the events of Episode 10 of Never Have I Ever.Thank you to my Benvi group chat for helping with the idea and encouraging me to write it.Title inspired by song "Hello My Old Heart" by the Oh Hellos
Relationships: Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/other character, John Ambrose McClaren/Other
Comments: 9
Kudos: 11





	Hello My Old Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lyncaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyncaa/gifts), [AnxieteaAttack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxieteaAttack/gifts), [crisspyfangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crisspyfangirl/gifts), [ladybug2000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybug2000/gifts).



Ben was on his way to a huge Model UN conference at UC Berkeley. This was a big deal because there were people from all over the country attending. He was surprised his school was able to even attend, as they didn’t have the best year. Especially after what happened with Devi in the fall. He smiled at the thought of Devi, and then immediately got sad. 

It was a very long bus ride, but not quite as long as the last one. He really wished Devi was here, he missed her so much. They hadn’t been speaking much after their kiss in Malibu. Ben was so excited because he thought she finally realized how he felt and that she felt the same way… well maybe she did. He wasn’t sure. He had broken up with Shira after his first attempted kiss in hopes he’d be able to get up the nerve to ask Devi to the Winter Formal coming up in December. He wanted to take it slow because he knew she was still heartbroken over Paxton and he didn’t want her to think she was a rebound for Shira… which was impossible because he never loved Shira, but he still didn’t want the thought to even cross Devi’s mind. 

But then Devi had kissed him, and his whole world flipped. It was truly the happiest he’d ever been. His kisses with Shira were so lame. There was zero passion between them, and they never did anything more than second base, and even that was all for show. She asked her Mom to let Ben drive her home, and he was shocked that she had said yes. 

On the drive back to her place, he didn’t have to speed, so it was 40 mins of smiling silence, but she did hold his hand.When they got to her house, she gave him a soft goodbye kiss and a long hug and went inside. They didn’t talk for a few days, but he figured she was either grounded or just wanted to spend time with her family. On Monday back at school she was acting weird though, and wouldn’t really make eye contact with him. He was afraid she realized she had made a mistake, and then he started avoiding her because he was afraid of what was going to happen if they talked. 

She was waiting by their lockers, and he could tell that she wanted to talk.  
“Yes, David,” he said a little bit colder than he meant to.  
“Hey, Gross… can we go pick up my stuff from your house, and maybe we can talk too?” She asked with a little bit of hesitation to her voice.   
“Yeah, of course we can.”

They didn’t say a word on the way to his house, and it was just awkward silence hanging in the air as she grabbed her things from the guest room. After she had finished packing she sat on the bed, and looked at him expectantly. He sat down next to her, and she turned her body, with one leg in her lap so she was facing him. 

“Ben,” she started, and paused for what felt like eternity. “I really like you. I think I always have”   
“This seems good,” He thought to himself.  
“But,” she paused again.   
“Yep… here it comes,” he thought.  
“I want to be 100 percent honest with you. I had a voicemail from Paxton when I got home from Malibu and he was I guess trying to see me at home… but as you know I wasn’t home.” She was nervously rambling.  
“This has nothing to do with him, so please don’t get that idea. It’s me. I had an emergency call with my therapist over the weekend, and I just came to the conclusion that I need to get some things in order with my life before I can be a girlfriend to anyone, but I do want to be a girlfriend to you when that time comes… if you don’t move on of course,” she looked off to the side, and it looks like she had shed a tear.   
“Devi, it’s okay. I understand… I was more afraid that you regret it, and were going to go back to just being my academic rival,” he said as he moved her hair out of her face. She smiled really big at him, and wiped away the few tears in her eyes. “And I have no plans of seeing anybody while you figure this out.”  
“I don’t deserve how kind you’ve been to me, Ben. I’ve been an asshole… let’s be real I’ll never stop being your academic rival,” she said with a laugh. “Can I kiss you once more before you take me home?”   
He didn’t respond, but he pulled her in closer and put his hand in her hair and kissed her gently. She deepened the kiss almost immediately, and they were making out. She stopped abruptly and pulled away, and looked at him with sad eyes. He could tell this was hard on her, so he just held her for a bit. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before they got up and left. 

That was 2 months ago and the winter formal had already passed. They both went stag, but did share a dance together. He was happy because they did stay friends, and Fabiola and Eleanor happily welcomed him at their lunch table, as well as their significant others. He could tell Fabiola and Eleanor knew about what went down with Devi and him, because they were always giving him these looks of pity when they caught him looking at Devi for a second too long. He was okay for the most part, but he was always afraid she’d change her mind and decide to choose Paxton. He knew it was ridiculous because they barely talked anymore. He didn’t think Paxton took the rejection as well. He also always seemed to be mean mugging Ben. He probably knew about their kiss and almost relationship too. 

It was a long bus ride so he had time to think about all of it. He had bought Devi a winter holiday present, but never gave it to her because he didn’t want her to feel pressured. At this point he thought he might as well wait til her birthday comes at the end of March. It was actually two things, a delicate white gold necklace that had a little harp attached. He thought it was something nice to remind her of her Dad, and he got her a small pressed vinyl of the song that was playing when they had their first kiss. He thought they were going to get together before now, so it would be weird to give it to her before that. 

When they finally arrived at the hotel, he quickly went to his room and got settled. He shared it with a few kids in his model UN group, but he didn’t feel like being chatty. They had a few hours to themselves before they had to meet up in the lobby and to dinner together. They weren't allowed to leave the premises either. He decided to put on his swimsuit and go for a swim, he needed to get his work out in anyways. 

When he got down there, there were a lot of people in the pool, so he decided to wait and lay out in the sun for a bit. It was definitely chillier there than in Sherman Oaks though. Their hotel was right next to the ocean and the sun was already going down. He was getting chilly already, so he put his towel around his shoulders.

“Are you here for Model UN too?” He heard a voice coming from his left in the pool chaise lounge next to him. It was a dark mixed-race boy about his age. He realized how good looking he was too. He was completely jacked, just like him, and didn’t look much taller. He had his hair shaved a little bit at the sides - something he could never pull off - and was wearing sunglasses. He could tell that this boy could definitely grow facial hair and was a bit jealous. Ben must have been looking too long because the boy broke the silence,“I’m guessing you’re not… my bad.”  
“Oh, no! I am. Sorry… my name is Ben,” he laughed and held out his hand. “I go to school down in Sherman Oaks, here in California.”  
“That’s awesome. I love it here. I’m from Virginia,” he said with a smile, one of the best smiles Ben had ever seen besides Devi’s but he didn’t want to think about Devi. He shook his hand, “and my name is John.” 

They exchanged small talk for a little bit, before Ben realized he wasn’t going to get his work out in and needed to get changed for dinner with his group. He regretfully bid John a farewell, and John said “see you tomorrow.” As he was going to his room, he couldn’t help but smile. He felt a spark with someone that he hadn’t felt in awhile. He went to bed happy that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I don't think this fic will end up being super long but I'm excited about it. Let me know what you think!


End file.
